My novelish thing (hobby :D)

Anywho, I said I would post my first 3 chapters on here so, yipee, here we goooo. (Help me fix it or make it sound better please.) I realize they are short chapters, I have a small mind, so don't bother saying they are short.

Chapter One: A New Adventure
As a child, Ludokrin knew he was special. He knew that he was an odd child. He knew he was different from all of the other kids. As he was walking home from school one day, his mind went blank. He had passed out. He woke up later at the local hospital without remembering a clue about what happened. He was taken back to the orphanage where he stayed at after school. From that day on, people picked on him for being the “weird kid.” He paid no attention to them, and kept dreaming about things he wanted in life. On the way home from school one day, people on the bus began picking on him as usual. They started to call him retarded, said he was a nobody. At that moment, Ludokrin lost it. He stood up, and grabbed the bully’s shirt, and threw him through the front window of the bus. The other bullies were astonished at what he had done. The bus screeched to a stop, as the bus driver checked the body of the now dead child, and called the police. Ludokrin sat back in his seat, and looked out of the window of the bus, ignoring the slow whispers of the other children. The police arrived at the scene shortly after the driver had called, and began to ask the driver what had happened. She explained the situation, and the police officers took Ludokrin to the police office to interrogate him. From this moment on, his life would be changed forever.

Chapter Two: Escape!
Ludokrin had been in the police station for hours. He wondered if anyone from the orphanage missed him. The police had asked him if he had thrown the child, and he told them the truth. He said that the child had been picking on him, and he got sick of it, so he threw him through the window. The police didn’t believe that a child could have that much strength, so they kept asking him the same questions over and over. They got the same answers: the truth. They finally gave up for the night, and kept Ludokrin in the interrogation room to sleep, but he wasn’t tired. He tried opening the main door, but it was locked. So he checked the emergency door, which was opened! He walked outside into the crisp night air, and took a deep breath. Free at last. As Ludokrin began to walk, he heard a noise at a nearby trash bin. He quickly looked that way, and slowly crept up to see what was making the noise. As he got closer, he heard a low growling noise, and a rabid dog jumped at him from the side of the bin! Ludokrin reacted quickly and reared back his fist and launched a fist directly at the dog, and hit it in the face. A loud ringing noise from the trash bin rang out as the dog hit it. Ludokrin started running, in fear of the ring being heard by the police. As he started to run across the street, a car came rushing past. With his quick reflexes, Ludokrin jumped out of the way of the car, as the driver yelled at him. Then he began to search the streets, wondering what he should do for food, or shelter. While he was searching, he saw a group of hooded figures walking his way. “Hey!” he shouted towards the figures, but no reply came back. He began to run away from them, as he thought they might be dangerous, although he wasn’t sure. As he rushed past the corner of the street, one of the hooded figures had somehow appeared in front of him. His first reaction was to fight, so he swung his fist at the hooded figure, only for it to be pushed away by some sort of barrier. Ludokrin then began to run away as fast as he could. He zoomed down several streets, but saw no more of the hooded figures. He quickly found a place to stay for the night, under a bridge with a few others. He made no attempt to converse with them, and quickly fell asleep.

Chapter Three: Discoveries
Ludokrin woke up the next day to find nobody else around. The others had left. Alone again. He closed his eyes to think and his first thoughts were of the previous night, what were those hooded figures that he had encountered? Where would a place be to do research on such monsters? The internet was Ludokrin’s first guess. He couldn’t go to the library, because there were bound to be missing posters for him all over town by now. He guessed it was about noon, if not later than that, so he couldn’t break into the school to use their computers. He would just have to wander town until he could come up with something. The town of Roenadl was quite small, so he would have to be careful about being seen by the police. Ludokrin slowly reached out to yawn, and he felt an odd feeling in his left hand. Naturally, he looked to see what it was, and there was some sort of portal that his hand had entered. He slowly pulled his hand out, and the portal disappeared. He then reached out again with his left hand, and another portal opened. “What is going on….?” Ludokrin mumbled to himself. He looked into the now open portal, and saw nothing, not even his hand. So he began to feel around and felt something. He closed his hand around the item, and slowly pulled his hand out of the portal. It was a small curved knife of some sort! He decided that he shouldn’t keep it, because it would draw attention. So he thrusted his left hand out again, and put the knife back into the portal. “That’s very strange,” he immediately thought. First the bully incident, next the dog, then the jump, and now this? What was going on with him? As he looked around him, he saw a few people walking towards him from each side. They were teenagers, probably about fifteen or sixteen years of age, about as old as he was. One of the girls yelled “Hey you, what’re you doing?” Ludokrin answered in a hesitant voice “Nothing.” The teens started to run towards him, and he knew something was up, so he jumped off the ground to his feet, and ran forward, hoping that he wouldn’t run into more people. He was quickly met by a tall, slim young man with dark brown hair. “And where are we going?” asked the man. Ludokrin didn’t answer him, but looked over his shoulder to see the teenagers walking towards him with grins on their faces. Ludokrin decided that the best way to go would be through the young man, so he threw his fist quickly at the man, only to be blocked by a barrier, similar to the one the night before. “Familiar?” said the young man, with a chuckle in his voice. Ludokrin then thrusted his left hand into the air and closed it quickly then pulled it out. With knife in hand, Ludokrin lunged at the young man with the knife, and it passed through his barrier. A way to fight back! Ludokrin quickly drew the knife back and stabbed again, and again, knowing that it would be easier to only fight one person, then a whole group of them. After a few lunges, he felt a hand land on his arm, and he was thrown against a wall. The attacks had pierced the young man’s skin, but didn’t harm him much. Ludokrin cursed under his breath, and wondered if this was the end for him. He decided that it would be best for him to try to run away, because that’s how he escaped the previous night. Ludokrin grabbed the knife, and charged at the young man, screaming as he did so. Right as it appeared that he was going to attack again, Ludokrin leaped onto the young man’s shoulders, and sprung off behind him, and started sprinting away from the monsters. He quickly found out that he had extreme physical strength, and was very agile, as he leaped from wall to wall, hoping to dodge anything the monsters could harm him with. He then thought of something. He could open portals with his left hand, but only seemed to be able to put things in and out of the space. Maybe if he moved his hand, it would open a portal large enough for him to use to get away? Ludokrin ran down an alley, hoping that his plan would work. He decided it would be safest to try against a wall, so he sprinted towards the edge of the alley, and readied his left arm. As he neared the wall, he thrust his arm out, and pulled down, to find that he made the portal larger, but it slowly began to shrink. He quickly jumped through, and landed somewhere he had never been to before. It was an old abandoned house. He looked behind him to find that the portal was still open, but he didn’t know how to close it! All he could think of was to reach towards it with his left hand, but that didn’t work. He thought the creeps must be close to the portal by now, so he pulled his left hand out of the portal, and punched towards the portal with his right hand, and to his amazement, the portal closed! With a deep sigh, Ludokrin sat down and decided he should rest for a bit. He then deposited the knife back in its space, and fell asleep from exhaustion.

Chapter Four:(COMING SOON, NOT! I'll work on it).....

You need help with grammar

Nick wrote:

You need help with grammar

My Microsoft Office 2007 said mostly everything was right, I'm not good at wording sentences, or using "vocabulary."

It's the way you put things together. But it's not like I'm expecting proffessional work

Lol, your chapters are short. x:

Ohmeegawsh.
Those of you who like Naruto- I haseth a fanfiction which is SakuxSasu...
Just thought I'd share :3

Very well done Becca, I don't like your short quick low-detailed sentences mostly Aaron

Nick wrote:

Very well done Becca, I don't like your short quick low-detailed sentences mostly Aaron

Yeah I knew they were short, and like repetitive, but I'm incredibly slow at thinking. Eventually I'll edit it, or get my friend's to help me do so.

Damn it, Keena I said not to mention the chapter shortness T_T lol

Ooops~ xD

And Becca, do you write? o.o

I liked the story but here's some suggestions. Your story could flow smoother and I wanna buy your finished version. Also when I read my version of the first chapter, I saw it was shytty. I never proofed it Since I was on my iPodO.o. Anyways I'll try to revise it sometime soon and keep up the good work.

Flames wrote:

blah blah blah, I know it may be pretty bad but I didn't really double check it since I'm on my iPod. Yeah what Rebecca said was eight. You have to add more adjectives an make it seem more intersting. I you rea a lit of books, you'll learn how to write pretty good. I also recommend getting some books

Becca said not to call her Rebecca! D:

Changed it and added some
random stuff typing on this really wastes your time-_- I blew at least 45 min with my iPod when I could have done it in 15O.o Gunnar go edit t, a but load of errors

I wouldnt go on this forum if it wasnt for you becca

Mektju wrote:

Imma dropkick you oh, so very soon. -___- It's okay if you didn't read my GM application, I don't care about that but you are WARNED. Call me "RE"Becca in any online socialite networking and you'll get a pound'n from me. Or at least my ignorance. ;3

The thing is... I scarcely read that much nowadays and all in all you really don't need to. If you imagine the world you try to write inside your head you'll find out that the senses will overwhelm you. Too much for words. Though, it's foolish to live in an imaginary world, it's not wrong, especially when you're trying to tell a story.

And Flames, he doesn't fail. He doesn't at all. He can spell correctly, he can tell the audience what's going on, he can move from action to action. He has all the right components to make a solid story. All he has to do is hone it. If you need inspiration, listen to some songs and think of a scenario. A character, a plot, a purpose, a realization. Anything. Just let your thoughts take you away.

~~~

And yeah Keester, I did my fair share of writing. Roleplaying, dare I say. Though my writing style has gone horribly downhill and my inspiration to write has... (How can you




say it.) Fizzled? Yeah, I'm just biding time till something strikes me against the head with a metal pike.

And Aaron, what I just wrote was not long at all. If you're roleplaying at least five different characters, your page can stretch at least three pages long. (That is if you're adding the details.) But, it's not tedious at all. If you think about scenarios you'll find yourself knee deep in writing and half past midnight. It's scary, how time flies.
...Someone needs to open an RP thread. >;o I wanna see the everyone's skills. >> ((Though it might be a bad idea in the long run.))

I never said he fails. I said I did. I'm sorry if you misunderstood. Also I warned that I'm on my iPod so it screws a lot of things up

Lol true. But you have to spam shift key each time and I guess I missed on thr l O.o I think Ima revise my version when I have some spare time. But overall I think the story's plots pretty exciting and I like it


Ewes iPod spelled exciting wrong

Flames wrote:

Lol true. But you have to spam shift key each time and I guess I missed on thr l O.o I think Ima revise my version when I have some spare time. But overall I think the story's plots pretty exciting and I like it


Ewes iPod spelled exciting wrong

Thanks, and yeah Becca I just have trouble keeping thoughts. I was wanting to write something for Chapter 4 when I was going to bed one night, but I had already shut my computer, and forgot it when I woke up </3 And sorry for the "nap" that just so "happened" to be damn 10 hours LONG. I hate my cell phone, with every last piece of my body. Later today, it shall be shattered.


EDIT: What do you mean as in "buy" my finished version? Because you can either mean, the rights to the book, or THE BOOK. Just clearing stuff up, I just woke up like half a damn hour ago, it's almost 6 am here.